Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
