kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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