im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
