I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
