the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
