so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
