I'm laying in your front yard are you home
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
