He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
