he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She bit a glass in half.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
