Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Everclear isn't food dammit
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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