she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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