i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
