Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
