I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
