this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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