I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
