he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
