No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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