I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
