Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
