the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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