she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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