Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
