I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
being pregnant is like rehab
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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