i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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