Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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