hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
