We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
