How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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