Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
