I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish you could order shots online.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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