just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
