You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
