I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Im part way to drunk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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