At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
