So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
