we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
