I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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