Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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