I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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