even my farts smell like vagina
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
