Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
