so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Text me some of your sweat
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
