Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We named our party play list daddy issues
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
