I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
