She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
