I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
