the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
