yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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