Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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