remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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