I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
