thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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